Coping without my sister
by TotallyJorixoXo
Summary: the characters are A:U. Trina has to tell her family something she was hoping not to. but how will Tori cope when she hears the unbearable news that her sister is going to die? A couple of months later Tori finds out she was accepted into Hollywood Arts, but how can she go now? She goes anyway, because she remembers a conversation she had with her sister. Eventual Jori.
1. Prolouge

**A/N: I know, I shouldn't be posting another story but... this just popped into my head, It's a little sad and the characters may be a little **

**out of character, but hopefully you'll like it...**

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**Disclaimer: I do not own victorious**

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**Prologue**

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**Trina's PO:**

It's Christmas day. The day I have to tell them. My parents and Tori. I'm dreading it, though every time I open my mouth to say something it clamps shut and I put on a fake smile. But I have to tell them now, because if they find out later it'll crush them. Especially Tori. My baby sister, my best friend.

"I have to tell you something" I say, quietly but they all hear me and stop what they are doing, to look at me.

I open my mouth to speak, but nothing comes out.

"Is it good news or bad news?" My dad asks, and I can't help let a small tear trickle down my cheek.

"Bad news, dad. It's bad news" I admit, looking him in the eye. We seem to have a whole conversation with our eyes.

"How bad?" He asks, with his eyes.

"Very bad" I say, with mine.

"Okay, then Trina. Tell us" My mum says, I look at Tori who has something I can't detect in her eyes. _It looks like. Confusion?_

"I'm... dying" I blurt out, looking at my hands. Immediately I feel a strong pair of arms around me that I recognise as my mothers.

"Are you sure?" My dad asks, I nod.

"The doctors say... I have a brain tumour... I don't have that much longer to live" I admit, I look over at Tori.

_She still hasn't said anything, but I know she's hurting I know the ins and outs of her._

"How long?" My mother asks, holding me at arm's length. Her eyes are tear stained, and she seems like she's aged ten years in ten minutes.

"The end of the year" I admit, again she pulls me in close and all I hear is footsteps pounding up the steps and the slam of her bedroom door.

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**Tori's POV:**

I couldn't bear to sit there after hearing the news, so I went up the stairs and slammed my door. Burying my head in my pillow and sobbing until, I ran out of tears.

_I have no idea, what I'll do without her._

Trina and I were more than sisters, we were best friends. I told her everything, and she told me everything.

She was there when I got in trouble for getting drunk at my parent's anniversary party, she stuck up for me when I was being bullied, convinced my parents not to send me to boarding school because my grades were down but most of all convinced them to let me sign up for Hollywood arts, so I could fulfil my dream of being an actress, singer, song writer.

_But now what would I do when I needed someone to talk to, when I was crushing on someone who didn't want me?_

"I'm sorry" Trina says, I hear her walk in and sit on the edge of my bed. I sit up and look at her and all of a sudden I feel myself hugging her tightly.

"I don't want you to die, Trina." I said, Trina nodded.

"Neither do I" She admitted.

"Why did it have to be you? Why not me?" I say. Trina holds me at arm's length, looks me in the eyes and says;

"Don't say stuff like that Tori! You have a whole life ahead of you; I want you to live it, okay? Do you promise?"

I just nodded and pulled Trina in for another hug and let more tears run down my face.

"I promise" I whisper, and Trina just comforts me until I fall asleep.

* * *

I wake up alone and hope that it all was a dream. _Yeah it has to be, Trina couldn't really be dying, could she? _

I _mean that was crazy, she was only 18 and well… it couldn't be true_. I stepped out of bed and ran down the stairs hoping I'd imagined it all.

"Hey, Tori how are you feeling, love?" My mum asks.

"I'm fine… it's Boxing Day!" I state. She stares at me then looks at my dad.

They seem to be conversing without actually speaking.

"Are you sure?" My dad asks.

"Of course… I mean I had a terrible dream last night, and I know it isn't real… it was just a dream, right?" I say, hoping that they'll agree.

"Tori… I know this is hard for you… it's hard for all of us" my mother tells me, as she hugs me tightly.

_Wait… did that mean? _

I push her off of me, and my eyes start to well up with tears.

"Wait… it's true? Trina's really dying?" I ask, my mother nods.

"Yes sweetie… it's true" She says, trying not to cry but apparently it doesn't work because soon her eyes are filled up with tears and she runs back upstairs.

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**A/N: Sorry, it's a little short but the chapters will get longer...**

**What do you think so far? **

**I know Trina's really out of character, so yeah Trina is A.U and I guess Tori is too I'm not sure, just let me know what you think! **


	2. First Day

**A/N: Thank you for the reviews :) **

**mbj2323 , FufuTheFallenAngel, Newsies73, Lilsky  
**

**I'm glad you like it so far, and I'll try not to make it too sad although I can't **

**make any promises. This is the chapter where Jade comes into it, I hope I did her okay? **

**I was trying to stay in character but I will probably go more out of character than in character. **

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**Disclaimer: I do not own victorious **

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**Two months later…**

**Chapter One: First day**

**Tori's POV: **

It's hard living without Trina, especially when I'm at my lowest points. Sometimes I actually forget that she's dead and I go to her old bedroom but it's always empty. I've even gone as far as wearing her favourite T-shirt to bed because it reminds me of her and makes me think she's actually still here.

She's not though, and it hurts. We had this special kind of relationship in fact she practically raised me. Our parents were always busy with work or with their mini vacations and would leave us with the nanny and when Trina was old enough it was just the two of us_. I liked it that way._

She was the least judge-worthy person I knew, and I could trust her with my life. We told each other everything… well at least _I _told _her _everything. Trina had a few secrets she was holding back, it was really hard getting to the bottom of her sometimes...

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_*Flashback*_

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**_A year ago…_**

"_Hey, Trina… what are the plans for tonight?" I asked, as I walked back inside the house after being out with some friends. _

"_Tori…. Come in here… I need your advice on something" Trina called from her bedroom, so I dropped my keys on the table and ran up the stairs. Trina was standing in her room wearing a midnight blue dress, with different coloured stripes on the skirt part. _

"_What do you think?" She asked me, as she did a little twirl._

"_Well what's the occasion?" I replied. _

"_We are crashing a wedding!" She announced, as if it were no big deal. _

"_Really? Who's?" I asked. _

"_Steve's" She replied casually as she spritzed herself with perfume. _

"_Steve? Trina, are you crazy? You can't just go and crash his wedding…" I said. _

_Steve was her ex-boyfriend and he was supposed to be getting married, when they broke up Trina had sworn that she was over it but I knew better, and now all of my suspicions seemed to be proven right as she was avoiding eye contact and acting like it was no big deal. _

"_Look, Tori. I know you don't approve and all but honestly I'm just gonna be there for five minutes. I just need to speak to him about something" Trina explained. _

"_Oh yeah, and what's that?" I challenged. _

"_Nothing my baby sister needs to know. So are you coming or not?" Trina asked, I sighed and nodded. She always got what she wanted._

* * *

_She made me stay in the car while she walked into the church and demanded to see the groom before the wedding started but I am not usually one to do as I'm told. (I learnt that from her) I followed her inside and when they went into a random room I listened from the other side. _

"_What do you want Trina? In case you haven't noticed I'm about to be married" I heard Steve say, his words were intended angry but he's always had a soft spot for Trina even if he was about to marry that Gabrielle chick. _

"_I found him" Trina said excitedly. _

"_Wait… you what?" Steve asked. _

"_I found him Steve… and I want you to come and meet him with me" Trina said. _

"_I don't think that's a good idea?" Steve said. _

"_Why not?" Trina asked. _

"_Because of Gabrielle… she still doesn't know about… well you know, and I can't sorry Trina" Steve said. _

"_Stuff Gabrielle! What about me? I know you still love me" Trina shouted. _

"_What makes you think that?" Steve asked. _

"_Because I still love you" Trina blurted out. _

"_I'm about to get married Trina… and besides… you broke up with me!" Steve shouted and seconds later, Trina was rushing out the door and bumping into me. _

"_Tori, get in the car now" Trina said. She'd never spoken to me like that before so I knew it was best to do as I was told._

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**Jade's POV: **

There was a new girl in school today. The whole school was talking about how talented she was. Apparently she had sent her audition on a DVD and it was just her singing and dancing. Everyone had seen it and even begged her to sing in class but she couldn't even open her mouth long enough to say her name. _It was odd._

* * *

"Look, guys I made friends with the new girl!" Cat squealed, as she sat down with Tori Vega next to her. Tori had long brunette hair and the most beautiful brown eyes I'd ever seen, she was tall and her skin was tanned to perfection.

"Her name is Tori" Cat explained. Andre, Beck and Robbie all looked up and waved. I gave Tori a small smile, I already knew her name. It was my job to know everything about every student here so I could find their weaknesses.

"Hi" Tori said, weakly. She was smiling but it was definitely not a real smile, as she seemed like the sort of person who smiled with her eyes ad well her eyes were telling me that something was currently keeping her in this sad state, and call me crazy I was pretty sure it wasn't the moving to a new school thing.

"So… which school did you go to before here?" Beck asked, flipping his hair as he did. _This made most girls swoon but apparently Tori was un-fazed by it._

"Sherwood" Tori said, giving him a weak smile.

"That's nice" He said, giving up on the flirting.

"Hey, Tori would you like a tour of the school?" Robbie asked eagerly, Tori shrugged her shoulders.

"Uhh, I guess so" She said, unsure.

"Robbie are you sure that's a good idea, we don't want you getting lost again now do we?" I said. Robbie turned bright red. Just last week Robbie had been wondering around school and gotton himself lost, and he ended up locked in the library. Of course that was my fault be he doesn't know that!

"I'll take her" I offered.

"Ooh, can I come?" Cat asked eagerly, I sighed.

"Sure Cat" I said.

Cat and I had been best friends since well… since I could remember and even though she could be a little childish and over-excited sometimes. I loved her, I didn't have any siblings but Cat was like a sister to me.

* * *

"And this is the janitors closet" I said, opening the door to one of my favourite places in the school.

"I know what a janitor's closet looks like" Tori giggled.

"Oh so you do have a sense of humour?" I asked, _she'd barely said anything since she'd been here and what she had said was words that might as well have come out of a robot._

"Yeah… Sorry…" Tori stuttered. It was just Tori and I now, Cat had found a candy machine in one of the hallways and vowed to stay there until she ran out of quarters. _I swear, this school needs to be Cat proofed! _

"Don't be, so uh… should we continue with the tour?" I asked, she nodded and for a breath second there I felt something… _I wasn't quite sure what it was but the minute my hand brushed over hers my heart sped up and I felt tingles but it was over in seconds._

* * *

"Do you want a ride home?" I offered after school. She looked like she was thinking about it for a second and then looked back at me.

"No, I uh… think I'll walk" She said, I shook my head.

"No you won't come on" I said taking her hand and dragging her towards my car.

"Honestly you don't have to do this… I'm fine" Tori said, but I wasn't taking no for an answer.

"Yes I do, and I want to" I told her as I opened her door and swiftly moved round to my side.

"Do you really mean that?" She asked.

"Yeah" I replied, and she smiled.

This time I think it was a genuine smile and I was beginning to get that feeling inside my chest. It felt kind of like butterflies..._kill those butterflies Jade!_

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**So what did you think of this chapter? I hope it doesn't seem too rushed? **

**The story will have loads of flashbacks in them as well, so look out for them.**

**Review please, I really want to know what you think :) **


	3. Live the Dream!

**A/N: Thanks for the favourites, follows reviews. I really wasn't expecting that much for this one but I'm glad people like it so far,**

**Let me know if you think there's anything that I'm doing wrong or that you don't understand. **

**I-Love-Jennette-McCurdy: There will be heart-break moments, with some of the charcters. I'm glad you liking it so far :) **

**mbj2323: Sorry about that, This is supposed to be a tear-jerker kind of story so I'm glad that I managed that but I also am sorry I made you cry. **

**Newsies73: I know right :) I felt it had to be said :D**

**Lilsky: Thank You :)  
**

**Jeremy Shane: Thank you :) **

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**Chapter Two: Live the dream! **

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**Jade's POV: **

The drive to Tori's house is silent, but I don't push her to talk. I can tell she doesn't want to, and I'm pretty sure something happened and that's why she seems so sad.

"Nice house" I comment when I pull up in her drive way. Her house is quite big, and it's actually quite stylish but that's no surprise since she's pretty stylish herself. _Stop it Jade!_

"Thanks" She said, as she un-buckled her seat belt.

"Okay, well I guess I'll see you at school tomorrow?" I ask, she nods.

"Yeah… unless, you want to come in?" Tori offered. _I think my heart skipped a beat when I heard that… calm down Jade!_

"Uh. Yeah sure, I mean I've got nothing better to do" I said, trying to sound relaxed.

"Cool" Tori said, as she got out of the car.

I followed her inside my stomach doing summersaults as I realised I was in Tori Vega's house!

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**Tori's POV: **

I honestly have no idea why I invited Jade inside. I was just so caught in the moment, and I caught a glimpse of her blue eyes and well I forgot myself for a moment. I just kept thinking of what Trina would be saying if she were here right now.

* * *

**"You like her Tori" Trina would tease. **

**"I so don't!" I'd protest, and then Trina would poke her tongue out at me. **

**"Oh come on Tori, you can't lie to me I know you better than anyone" She would say. **

**"Trina, I just met her" I'd point out; she'd then shut up about it and wait until I figured it out so she could say "I told you so".**

* * *

"Are you okay?" Jade asked me, forcing me to come back to reality.

"Oh yeah… sorry, I was just day dreaming" I admitted, _I could feel my cheeks burning pink._

"What about?" She asked.

"Nothing interesting… do you want some ice-cream?" I offered heading for the freezer.

"Yeah sure, what flavour have you got?" Jade asked.

"We have Ben & Jerry's Cookie dough or phish food" I offered.

"Cookie dough, please" She replied, I nodded and got the ice cream out followed by two bowls. _Cookie dough was my favourite too… phish food had always been Trina's._

It still hurt. Sometimes I forget that it's true and on the day of her funeral I just couldn't cope with knowing that my big sister, my rock, my best friend was lying in that coffin. She was dead.

It almost kills me to know that she's never coming back, she'll never get to tell me about the crazy times she had in Europe, because she never got to go and I never got to come along and live the dream with her, she'll never hold me and let me cry for hours without an explanation and then when I tell her what's up be really supportive and tell me it's all going to be okay, that she'll fix it. Those were just a few of the many things she did for me and it almost makes me want to cry all over again because I barely got to return the favour.

She was always so happy and full on life, she never let anything get to her or at least never let me see.

"Are you okay?" Jade asks, forcing me to come back to reality.

"Yeah, I was just thinking sorry…" I say, then I realise I was crying. She reaches over to wipe away my tears.

"It's okay… want to talk about it?" Jade asks, I shake my head.

"No" I say, she nods.

"Hey, I know we've just met and all but there's this club that me and my friends go to sometimes… it'll be really cool if you join us, it's not far from here… it's called 'The Lovely Trina'." Jade says.

The mention of it almost catches me off guard….

* * *

**_Two years ago…._**

_"Do you know what would be really cool?" Trina asked me one night, we were walking home with an ice-cream in hand and had just been to a party at a club that was closing down. _

_"Uhh… meeting the entire cast of Friends and getting to have coffee served at central perk by Gunther?" I suggested, she shook her head. _

_"What then?" I asked, taking a spoonful of my ben & Jerry's. _

_"Owning that club" Trina said. _

_"Oh that would be cool… how are you going to afford that though, Trin? You can't ask mum and Dad they'd never agree to it… in fact if they knew you got me my first fake I.D at fourteen they'd be livid" I pointed out. _

_"Yeah, yeah smarty pants, I know!" Trina said, poking her tongue out at me. _

_"So is that what you want out of life then? To own a pub?" I asked. _

_"Yeah… but not just that. I want to be the best pub owner in the world everyone would be raving about Trina Vega and her charm and talent and then you'd be the entertainment of course, then I'd go travelling around Europe and maybe when you're done with school and university you can join me, we'd be the irresistible Vega sisters" Trina said, I could practically see the dream come to life in her eye's as she talked about it. _

_We'd talked about the future a lot, especially when we were kids. We said we'd be princess' and be living the lap of luxury and have a lifetime supply of chocolate, shoes and sex and the city DVD's. This dream seemed a little more realistic than that although it was still a bit far-fetched. _

_"I don't know if I want to go to Uni. I mean I can't leave you" I had said. _

_"Don't be silly, Tori of course you are going to Uni, isn't it your dream to become the next big thing in the media. Write songs about all those hearts you're going to break… I mean it that way because no-one's going to even try and break your heart once they meet me!" Trina had said, taking another spoonful of her own Ben & Jerry's ice-cream. Phish food Ugh, I had thought. _

_"Yeah it is… but what about you?" I had asked, Trina put her index finger over her mouth to shush me and I did. _

_"Don't worry about me… I'll still be here when you get back and you can take me to all the exclusive parties and meet all those celebrities…" Trina trailed off her mind getting filled up with dreams that I was certain I'd make come true for her. _

_"Okay. So a pub huh? What would you name it?" I asked changing the subject, she smiled. _

_"After me, duh!" Trina had said, putting her arm around me as we walked into our street silently hoping not to wake our parents… we did… _

"I don't know if that's a good idea" I said.

"Okay, well let me know if you change your mind we are going this weekend. I'm getting the drinks in; you've got a fake I.D, right?" Jade asked.

"Yeah." _I don't need one, I know the owners… in fact I'm one of them._

* * *

"Okay, well I should go… I think I've overstayed my welcome and I've got to be home soon anyway" Jade said, placing her empty bowl in the sink and heading for the door. I showed her to it like any polite hostess should but I really wanted her to stay.

I couldn't understand why though. _We've only just met!_

"I'll see you at school" Jade says giving me a small smile in which I return with my own fake smile. That's what I've resorted to these days, fake smiles and "I'm okay". When it's obvious I am not Okay, and I don't think I ever will be.

After we've said our awkward goodbyes it's matched with an awkward wave as I watch her get in her car and drive away. As soon as she's far away I start to cry. I miss Trina so much, I want to have a life and be happy and I know she'd want that but I can't help but feel that she should be here with me living it with me or I should be up there with her… or instead of her…

* * *

**"Stop saying that!" **The voice catches me off guard. I turn and I almost jump out of my skin. I could have sworn I saw Trina standing there wearing her favourite Jimmy choo shoes, Channel sunglasses and customized dress.

**"Stop saying that you wish you were dead instead of me, you have a right to live Tori" **

"S-sorry" I say not sure whether she's a figment of my imagination or a ghost. Then I remember what the therapist said; "Sometimes when you go through bad times your mind lets you think something's there when it's not to help you cope" Maybe that's what this is.

"A-are you real?" I ask, unsure.

**"Nope… I'm just in your head… now let's talk about why you don't you want to carry on with your life" Trina asked. **

"I do… just not without you" I admit.

**"That's sweet, but I'll always be with you in here" **Trina says, pointing to her chest where her heart is.

**"Why don't you go to that thing that girl invited you to… she seems nice, I know she's your type" **Trina adds.

"I can't Trina, it's our place… I can't be there. It'll hurt too much" I say.

**"Then have a few drinks, you'll be fine" Trina advised. **

"I don't know" I said, Trina sighed before disappearing. _Whoa, that was freaky._

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**A/N: Soooo please let me know what you think, it means a great deal to me. The speech in bold font is Trina (through Tori's imagination) **

**Also as I have said before this is mostly A.U so if there is anything that doesn't add up to the series that'll be why, I'm just using there names and some parts **

**of their personalities. What did you think of the whole owning a pub business? I thought It'll be cool for there to be a pub dedicated to Trina, lol. **

**Please review! :) **


	4. Convinced

**A/N: Sory That it's been os long since I've updated it. I've recently started college and I've been really busy, but I hope that **

**you like this chapter, it's a little short and I'm sorry I'll try to make the next chapter longer**

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**Chapter Three:**

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**Tori's POV:**

Throughout the week I grew closer to Jade and her friends. They were all really sweet to me… well except from Rex but I don't exactly count him as a person.

"So, Jade said she invited you out with us tonight, are you coming?" Beck asked on Friday at lunch.

"I don't know yet" I said, looking at my salad. I wasn't sure how I could go back there.

"Why not? It'll be so fun!" Cat beamed.

"I just don't know if I can make it yet" I sighed.

"Please come!" Cat pouted and I sighed.

"Okay, but not for long" I admitted because well even though I hadn't know the redhead for long it was really hard to say no to her.

"Yay!" Cat said, hugging me dramatically.

"Why's she so happy?" Jade asked, as she approached our table and sat next to me.

"Tori is coming out tonight" Cat explained. Jade looked at me as if for clarification and I nodded.

"That's great" Jade said. For a second there I detected a smile but as soon as I noticed it, it disappeared.

I smiled to myself. A night out did sound good, but what about Trina?

How could I go clubbing without her?

That had been our thing. We would go out and she'd get some cute guys to buy our drinks because she was just _that _persuasive. We did all sorts of crazy things, like dancing on tables and taking part in drinking games. Although now that she was _gone _I found it harder to cope with every passing day. My parents have made me go see a counsellor but what good will that do? I don't want to forget my sister like my parents have.

"Are you okay? You drifted off again" Jade said poking me on the shoulder.

"Yep, I'm fine. Just day-dreaming" I said.

"What about?" Jade asked. I debated it for a second. Should I tell her?

"Nothing" I lied. I guess I just wasn't ready to tell anyone yet. Besides I've known Jade for a week and well I don't think it'll be a good idea to open up to her just yet, I mean it might scare her away. Who'd want to be friends with the freak with the dead sister?

"If you say so" Jade chuckled. I both loved and hated that chuckle. It was the sort chuckle that had a double meaning. It meant "I know your lying to me, and I'm going to find out what it is your hiding".

* * *

**Jade's POV: **

With each day I got to know Tori the more things I discovered. Like the fact she drifts of an awful lot and when she does she either looks really sad or she looks kind of happy. Sort of like she's remembering something but what I want to know is what?!

What is that girl hiding that she doesn't want anyone else to know?

I've decided I'm going to find out. Whatever it takes however long it takes I will get to the bottom of that mysterious girl and when I do I will be there for her no matter what it is because at the moment it looks pretty bad!

"what are you wearing tonight?" Cat asks when I pick up my phone which has been ringing for the past five minutes without me realizing.

"I don't know yet. Probably my jeans and my, black halter neck top, Why?" I asked.

"Just wondering… now aren't you glad I convinced Tori to come?" Cat asked, I blushed.

"Why would I be? "I said casually.

"Oh come off it Jade, I can read you like a book… you like her" Cat said. She was right but I wasn't going to tell her that.

"As a friend and nothing more, sure I like her" I lied.

"I wasn't born yesterday Jade, I can practically feel you thinking of her right now" Cat said. I laughed at her. Cat got it into her head recently that she's physic but she's not. Far from it!

"You're not still on that physic stuff are you?" I asked boardly.

"Don't call it that, Jade" Cat said.

"What am I supposed to call it then?" I asked.

"I don't know just not that… the way you say it makes me feel like you don't believe" Cat said, I laughed at her again.

"Of course I don't, Cat." I admitted.

"Well you should because it's real." Cat said before hanging up. What was that all about?

Seriously I don't understand that girl sometimes, she's so ditzy it's unbelievable… but I love her. Why else would she be my best friend?

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**A/N: **

**review please :) **


	5. The lovely Trina

**A/N: **

**Hey, I'm back. I've been a bit busy because of college. I'm doing a Performing arts course! Yay Me!**

**Also, Thankyou to everyone who has reviewed, favorited or followed this story it is very much appreciated! :) **

**So yeah, that's why I haven't been on here much. This is the next chapter of Coping without My sister...**

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**Disclaimer: you should know by now, I don't own victorious. **

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**Chapter Four:**

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**Tori's POV: **

"Tori, you made it! Yay!" Cat said, as I walked through the doors to the club. She grabbed my arm and dragged me to the table in which everyone else was sitting. Beck had some hot blonde girl whispering in his ear. Andre was talking to the bar-maid that I knew was called 'Sandy' and Jade was sitting down nursing her drink. Not paying attention to what was going on around her.

"Look who finally showed her face!" Cat announced loudly, which was unfortunate for me as my ear was right next to her mouth. Jade looked up and as soon as her blue eyes caught my brown ones she smiled.

"Tori, you're here! I was beginning to think you'd never show" Jade said, as Cat pushed me into a seat next to Jade.

"Do you want a drink?" Jade asked.

"Uhh, Yeah… I'll get it. Anyone else want one?" I offered, they all told me what they wanted and I started making my way towards the bar. Marina was serving today.

"Hi, Marina." I said, she stopped serving the gentleman with the beer belly and looked at me.

"Tori? Is that you?" Marina asked, sounding both shocked and happy to see me.

"It sure is, but I'm here with some of my friends and well… they don't know about Trina or this place… or about anything really" I explained.

"Why haven't you told them?" Marina asked, confused. Tori shrugged her shoulders and sighed.

"I just want a normal life… Can I get some drinks in" Tori said, quickly changing the subject.

"Alright, but if you ask me they will need to know soon. You can't keep this a secret forever" Marina told me, as she started to pour the drinks I had asked for.

* * *

"You took your time" Jade said, when I came back with a tray full of our drinks. Robbie was now sitting at the table after having been dancing on his own.

"Did you get me one?" He asked me.

"I didn't know you were here, but you can have mine if you like." I offered, to which he refused and went to join Cat who was now on the dance-floor.

"You didn't answer my question" Jade said.

"That's because you didn't ask one" I bit back, sarcastically.

"Okay. What took you so long?" Jade corrected herself.

"I was just talking to the manager" I said.

"How'd you know she's the manager?" Jade asked.

"I… uh… What's this 20 questions?" I said, Jade chuckled.

"Yeah, and if you don't start giving me answers I'm gonna get suspicious" Jade warned, I sighed.

"Fine, I know her" I said, truthfully.

Marina and I go way back. She and the other manager of this place Belle had been Trina's best-friends and like sisters to me although when Trina died I kind of lost contact with them and everyone else.

"How?" Jade asked, I groaned.

"She's just an old friend that's all… Can we stop this now? Can't we go join Cat and Robbie on the dance floor" I asked, desperately.

"Fine! Let's go" Jade said, holding her hand out to help me up.

* * *

**Jade's POV:**

Tori really was an excellent dancer. Her body moved in time with the music and it all seemed so effortless and flawless. I myself, am a good dancer but as I watched Tori dance I was transfixed. She seemed like she forgot everything when she was dancing. all the things that was worrying her seemed to vanish because she now belonged to the dance-floor and the music was whisking her away.

"You know if you keep staring at her like that, she's going to notice" Beck teased me. I turned to him and sighed.

"Is it really that obvious?" I asked, he nodded.

"But only because I know you too well" He winked.

Beck and I had dated for two nearly three years, but we broke up because we didn't feel the same way about each other any-more. I realised I was Bi-sexual and wanted to date girls and he realised he wanted to explore his options a bit before he settled into a long-term relationship.

"You do, we need to change that" I said. Thinking back to our past. Some of it made me cringe but others made me smile but none of that mattered any more because Tori had grabbed my hand and was dancing with me and I was just so taken off-guard that I let her.

"Your such a great dancer" I complemented her, she blushed then smiled at me.

"Thanks" She said.

"you're welcome... So how'd you learn how to dance like that?" I asked.

"Oh... I just used to dance a lot with my sister, she wasn't very good at it but we had fun" Tori explained.

"I didn't know you had a sister" I said.

"Oh... Well I had a sister" Tori corrected, before realising what she had said and starting to tear up.

"I've got to go" Tori excused herself, as she ran from the club. I had to follow her,so that's what I did.

* * *

"Where are you going?" I called after her.

"I need a cab" Tori said, desperately as she held her hand out for one but none came. I whistled and one stopped in front of us.

"I'm coming with you" I told her as I pushed her inside the car.

"Where to, ladies?" The Cab driver asked.

Tori told the man the address and he began driving us there.

* * *

**A/N: Okay, so it is a little short. but this is all I have for now. **

**Where do you think they are going? and why? **

**Review please! **


	6. What happens in the park

**A/N: Hello everyone, I do hope you all had a good chirstmas or whatever holiday you celebrate? Sorry it's been a while but here is the next chapter of Coping without my sister. I hope I still have readers out there but I understand if I don't. **

**Thank you**** to all of you who read and reviewed the last chapter I hope this one is good enough for you! :) **

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**Disclaimer: I do not own the glamorous Victorious**

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**Chapter Five: what happens in the park...**

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**Jade's POV: **

Tori took Jade to a place she'd been plenty of times before. The park, not just any park though this one was quite far away, definitely not within walking distance of the club.

"Okay, Vega… Why are we here?" Jade asked, using the nickname for the first time but she felt it sounded good. Tori took Jade's arm and bought her to a tree and sat down underneath it.

"This used to be where Trina and I'd go… if anything was bothering us" Tori explained. Jade's face lit up with realization.

"When did she die?" Jade asked softly, trying her best not to let Tori think she was prying.

"Two months ago" Tori explained, Jade nodded.

"How did she die?" Jade asked, suddenly curious.

"S-she had a b-brain tumour" Tori sobbed, Jade put her arms around Tori as she sobbed into her shoulder.

"Oh… That's terrible" Jade said.

"That's not even the worst part" Tori sobbed, Jade held her at arm's length. This automatically bought Tori back to Christmas Day, when she'd been told that dreadful news.

"What could be worse than that?" Jade asked, scared to know the answer but brave enough to ask anyway.

"She committed suicide" Tori sobbed even harder this time, Jade's eyebrows knitted in confusion. She had not been expecting that and held Tori closer.

"H-ow? Why?" Jade asked…

* * *

"_How are you feeling sweetie?" Hollie asked her eldest daughter Trina when she got home from work. Trina was perched on the couch with a bowl of popcorn and watching a hospital programme. _

"_Okay" Trina lied. In reality she was in pain and she hated this whole brain tumour thing but she didn't like to make a fuss. Well normally… ordinarily she loved being the centre of attention but lately it wasn't so fun considering the fact that it was caused by a negative reason. _

"_Let me sort those cushions out" Hollie said, primping the cushions behind Trina's head. "Oh Trin, I do wish you wouldn't watch things like that" Hollie said noticing the TV. On the screen a teen girl was on the top of a building about to jump off. _

"_It's only a TV programme mum" Trina sighed, before standing up to go to her room. _

"_That woman drives me nuts!" Trina said loudly as she entered Tori's room, seeing as the door was open. Tori was lying on her bed staring at a Hollywood Arts brochure. _

"_Do you think I'd really get in?" Tori asked her sister, ignoring Trina's remark completely. _

"_Are you kidding? Of course you will!" Trina said. _

"_I'd love to go there… and what's more there's a picture of the Ping-Pong team! They look so cool" Tori said, showing Trina the picture. In the picture was a red-headed girl, a curly haired boy holding a puppet, a laid back boy with good hair, a dark skinned boy with a cute smile and finally what seemed like a moody Goth-girl. _

"_I'd love to be friends with those" Tori said. _

"_You probably will be, you're a people pleaser" Trina said. _

"_Anyway… I'm off out" Trina said. _

_Later on that day Trina was found dead at the park. She'd gotten hold of alcohol and cut herself so much she bled to death. She left a note that read;_

**_I'm sorry. I wish I could've stayed but everything is too hard. Life is too hard, I hope you are braver than I was. Trina X._**

* * *

"Oh god" Jade said when Tori had finished explaining.

"That must have been terrible for you" Jade added.

"It was, I mean if she hadn't have killed herself… She could've lived longer" Tori said.

"Yeah… but you've got to see it from her point of view. Maybe she hated being a burden on you and your parents" Jade said.

"But…" Tori tried to protest but it was no use, Jade was right.

"So is this the place?" Jade asked, Tori nodded slowly and pointed to the spot in the distance that still had police tape scattered around and looked deserted In fact nobody had been to this park since Trina had killed herself, except for Tori. She didn't know why she came here really. A part of her hoped that the park would give her clues as to what her older sister was thinking when she killed herself. Why she did it. Things like that.

"Yeah, this is where she killed herself and before you judge me I come here because I'm hoping to find clues... it might sound silly but..." Tori explained.

"it's okay... I understand. I'm used to weird things" Jade said.

"Your right it is weird" Tori said, her eyes getting that little hurt expression in them.

"I didn't mean it was weird... Well I did, but that doesn't mean it's a bad thing." Jade explained, Tori's face perked up. Jade sat up and outstretched her hand for Tori to take.

"Come on, let's get out of here" Jade said, Tori took her hand and they rushed out of the park wordlessly.

* * *

**Okay, it's kind of short. Sorry about that. I'm nervous as I'm posting this cos it was kind of a dark chapter and I wasn't expecting it to go this way myself, but my brain thought it up for some reason. Please read and Review. Let me know what your beautiful minds think!**


	7. Secrets, revealed

**A/N: Thank-you to everyone who Reviewed at Favorited and followed. It is very much appreciated I had to change the rating to M because the content from the last chapter and the content in this chapter isn't suitable for younger readers. I hope that this chapter doesn't scare you into not reading it. **

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**Disclaimer: Victorious is not something I own. **

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**Chapter Six: Secrets, revealed. **

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**Tori's POV: **

I couldn't believe I'd just told Jade that, I barely even knew her. It helped though to finally talk about it with someone else other than a family member or a friend of Trina's. It helped to talk to someone whose opinion wasn't biased, Jade was reasonable when I let us talk about Trina. She could see it from my point of view and from what must have been Trina's at the time.

After we left the park we went to a coffee place around the corner and ordered two coffee's one with milk and one without.

"So, Coffee. Huh" I said, as we sat down in a booth seat.

"Yeah, it's my chosen drug" Jade smiled, as she sipped at her coffee not wincing at the fact it must be scalding hot at this point.

"Each to their own I guess" I said, looking at my un-manicured finger nails.

"So what's yours?" Jade asked, I looked up taken aback.

"What's my what?" I asked, confused.

"You're vice… Your drug of choice. Whatever you want to call it?" Jade said, I shrugged. Did talking to my dead sister count? What about wearing her clothes?

"Come on there must be something you do that you shouldn't… Do you drink? Smoke? You don't take drugs do you?" She asked. I shook my head.

"Of course not!" I said, sounding like a posh person as I did so. She smiled at me.

"Good, you didn't seem the type… So what is it then?" She asked.

"I'm a lesbian" I said quickly and quietly hoping she wouldn't hear me.

"What's wrong about that?" Jade asked, I shrugged.

"My parents didn't like it when I told them last year… Trina stuck up for me" I explained. Jade nodded in understanding.

* * *

_It was the day of Tori's parent's anniversary. They had trusted their two daughters to throw them a respectable party at their home with their work colleagues and friends. _

_"Is that everything?" Trina asked when Tori had finished setting up the food table. _

_"Yeah, I think so. We have an hour to spare" Tori replied, Trina got that look in her eye. _

_"Let's invite Marina and Belle over" Trina suggested. _

_"Oh god" Tori said. _

_Marina and Belle were 20 and 21; they were really close with Trina and Tori. Every time they were around life was never dull, they knew how to party. _

_"I have an Idea" Belle said, when they had arrived at the Vega household. _

_"What's that?" Tori asked, worriedly. _

_"Let's make brownies" Belle suggested, Trina smiled and so did Marina but Tori weren't too sure on the whole idea. _

_"I don't know" tori said. _

_"Oh come on, it'll help us get through this bore of a party" Trina said, Tori sighed. Trina always managed to get her own way with Tori. _

_"Okay" tori agreed and Trina hugged her sister before running into the kitchen to get the ingredients ready. Marina put MDMA inside the brownie mix and Tori watched them anxiously. She had a bad feeling about this. _

_The party started and by that time two batches of brownies were made, one with drugs and one without. The only problem was that they had no idea which was which. So they had to try and make sure none of their parents guests ate any of the brownies._

_"What are we going to do?" Tori panicked. _

_"I suppose we'll have to dispose of the evidence" Trina said. _

_"Like, how?" Tori asked. _

_"Like eat all of the brownies" Marina suggested. _

_"But… can't we just throw them all out or something?" Tori asked, not really wanting to get high at her parents anniversary party._

_"It'll look suspicious... besides we can waste it" Trina said, Tori sighed. Her sister was right yet so wrong at the same time. She was right about it being suspicious but wrong about wasting it. Tori would rather waste drugs than take them... but right now she was curious. what if this wasn't the first time her older sister had taken drugs, what if this was one of many other times. What if she had a problem? _

_So many thoughts and What if's spread through her mind like wild fire. Tori didn't know what to say so she shook her head at the three girls she looked up to and picked up a champagne flute from a nearby waiter, downing it in one go. _

_"I don't want any part in this" Tori stated, before heading off to amuse herself with more __champagne._

* * *

_By the end of the night Tori was so tipsy she could barely form sentences Trina's friends had gone home leaving Trina (High as a kite) to take care of her sister. When the Vega sisters stepped up to give their parents a speech everyone was disgusted and shocked at what came out of the seemingly innocent Vega daughters. _

_"Mom. Dad" Trina started, Mr and Mrs Vega looked at each other with warm smiles not expecting to hear what they were about to hear. _

_"Congratulations on your so many years of marriage" Trina continued. _

_"I don't know how you both did it, you know managed to last so long. When she's sleeping with your partner and he's working lates so much that there must be something going on" Tori added, covering her mouth as she did. Oh shit she thought. I tell the truth when I'm drunk. _

_The guests all muttered amongst themselves and Mr and Mrs Vega looked extremely embarrassed by what was happening. _

_"Yeah, you two are so busy having a crap marriage and pretending it's perfect to notice how much your daughters are changing, into dysfunctional messes" Tori added, Trina looked at her. "Shut up!" She mouthed, but Tori continued. _

_"Trina's up to all sorts did you know she had a kid? Well of course you knew you made her give him up... Now she get's by with illegal substances. and as for me, you won't have to worry about me getting pregnant any time soon, I'm a lesbian" Tori blurted, and with that the youngest Vega stepped away from the spot light that she had created with her outburst and made her way up the stairs leaving Trina to look baffled and not know exactly what to say._

* * *

The memory of last year caught Tori off guard, the whole baby thing she had figured out from going over and over old memories and piecing them together. it was mostly an assumption and Trina hadn't known that she knew, until that night of course.

"Wow" Jade said, as Tori recalled what had happened that night leaving out bits of information that she felt Jade didn't need to know yet. considering the fact they had only met what, a week a go?

"No one has ever opened up to me that much before... I mean usually it's because I come across as a heartless bitch but..." Jade admitted.

"Well you should feel privileged, I've never told anyone this before." Tori said, giving Jade a warm smile to which she returned a lot had happened in one night and she hadn't even needed to give Tori alcohol to persuade her into spilling out. This whole thing had gotten beyond wanting dirt on the new girl.

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**A/N: So this is a little bit longer than my usual posts, I hope you enjoyed the revaluations in this chapter. Did any of you see any of it coming? What do you think will come up next? I promise soon there will be more Jori moments, maybe in the next chapter or so... Let me know what you all think! :) **


	8. Some kind of place

**A/N: I'm back and hopefully I'll be able to post more often again but I'm not entirely sure **

**but If I'm being a little slow then feel free to PM me to get me off my lazy Ass and right some stuff for you guys.**

**As I promised there is some Jori in this chapter only a little bit but look out for that if that was what you were waiting for, **

**Thank you to those of you who have been reviewing and favoriting it really has made my day. I'm so happy you like my story :) **

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**Disclaimer: Victorious isn't mine I don't own anything. I do however own a victorious annual even though I'm 18 years old...**

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**Chapter Seven: Some kind of place. **

**Jade:**

It was pretty obvious what was happening the few months before Trina had told her family the news. She had been trying to deal with it herself and she'd been trying to lie her life to the fullest. I could tell that Tori's sister must have been really depressed behind all those miniature adventures with her younger sister. From what Tori had told me Trina used take care of Tori and Trina was hoping that hanging out with Tori like nothing had change would help her get over everything that had happened in the two years before she died.

It was pretty unlucky that Trina had gotten pregnant and forced to give up her baby and then found out she had a brain tumor less than a year later. One thing that didn't add up though was that Tori had to guess and that she didn't already know. How could someone not notice that their favorite sister was pregnant?

* * *

One Monday after school I invited Tori round to mine. My parents were out for the weekend and my little brother was staying at my grans. My gran gets on my nerves. Once she asked me what kind of man I want to marry when I'm older so I said "A man like coffee" because I knew it would really annoy her. It did!

"You're house is really nice" Tori complimented as we walked through to the living room.

"Thanks" I said.

"So where are your family?" She asked.

"My Mum and her young boyfriend are out on holiday in Greece… Urghh. My little brothers at my Grans" I explained.

"And your dad" She asked. I shrugged.

"He lives out of town. We only see him on holidays and birthdays… well if he remembers" I explained. Tori nodded in understanding and then she hugged me. To my surprise I didn't push her away. It felt kind of nice and right. You know like it was meant to happen?

"Soo, What would you like to do? I have Just Dance 4" I offered. Tori smiled and I took that as a "Let's play".

* * *

About an hour later we were both really exhausted and were lying on my couch catching our breaths that's when I decided to bring it up.

"Hey. You know you told me about your parent's anniversary party the other day?" I asked. Tori gave me this look that was in the middle of confusion and sadness.

"Yeah" Tori said.

"Well I was wondering when your sister was pregnant how did you not notice?" I asked.

"Oh… Well I was at boarding school. Trina got pregnant while I was away one year and I got back about two months after she'd given birth. That's how I didn't notice that and I was too busy worrying about my own problems to notice anyone else's. I really hated it there so I eventually convinced my mum to let me drop out provided I pick up my study's back in LA." Tori explained.

I gave myself a little time to process what she had just said and nodded.

"Makes sense" I smiled, she smiled back. We sat there for a minute just leaning on the couch and suddenly I was aware of how close our hands were and then all of a sudden I did what I never thought I would. I leaned in and kissed her on the lips she returned the kiss and then we pulled apart. I kissed her forehead and she smiled and leaned her head on my shoulder. I took her hand in mine and I felt this big weight had lifted off of my shoulders.

* * *

Every time I was inside Tori's room I could kind of feel this weird presence but I usually put it down to my imagination being ridiculously over reactive. That was until we had Cat round one day.

"There's a girl in the room" Cat whispered in my ear.

"Yeah, I know there are three. Me, you and Tori" I said because sarcasm was my chosen language.

"No there are four. There's a girl sitting by the window about a year older than us. She looks depressed." Cat said. She made a pout-y face and Tori chose the wrong time to turn to face us, having been picking a movie for us to watch.

"So I was thinking either "_Clueless_" or "_Mean Girls_" … what's going on?" Tori asked. I shook my head.

"Oh nothing. Just cat here thinks she's physic" I explained. Tori furrowed her eyebrow more confusion seeping over her face.

"Forget it, let's just watch clueless." Offered. It seemed to cheer her up and besides Clueless was one of my favorite movies aside from the fact that it's a chick-flick. It has Brittany Murphy in it and she was a pretty good actress in her time.

* * *

I got to thinking about that actually. Brittany Murphy was dead and so was Tori's sister Trina maybe just maybe they'd met. You know somewhere up in heaven?

I really hope that they did because it would be pretty awesome to know someone as talented and beautiful and what would be a better place than heaven? I know that I probably sound crazy. You know believing in all this after life stuff but I just didn't like the idea of it just all being over forever. I kind of hoped that after death you went somewhere nice.

Most people who know me would assume that I'd go to or want to go to hell but they'd be wrong because I love the idea of everything being mellow and happy and sweet like I imagine heaven would be. I also think that everybody gets their own little place in heaven and it's exactly like they picture heaven. They have a little spot where they can check on the ones they love and they get to mingle with the other people in heaven.

As I'm thinking all of this I start to wonder what Tori thinks and I now know exactly what I'll tell her if at times she starts to feel really low because she's missing her sister. I mean it helped me and I had never met the girl so maybe it'll do wonders to the girl who had recently crawled her way into my heart. I thought nobody would be able to do that ever again but I was wrong and Cat was right. She really does know me better than I think she does!

* * *

**A/N: So what do you think? Like? Hate? love? **

**For those of you who don't know Brittany Murphy was an actress that died three years ago. She was in 'Just Married' 'Clueless' 'The remain girl' **

**and basically just a lot of really good movies I thought it'd be a good idea to tribute her in this because I only found out she died this year. I was really surprised and upset. Any-who... Please review let me know what you thought. **


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